How Martial Arts Can Strengthen Your Bond with Your Partner

May not seem like there's much romantic about punching your partner in the face or holding them in an arm bar.. but in a controlled sports enviornment, the physical, mental and emotional release that you experience in contact-sports is a fantastic way to build a special bond with your partner. Martial Arts can be a therapeutic sport. Especially in a healthy, traditional and controlled dojo.

The world is stressful. Relationships, familial obligations, care-taking, children, work responsibilities & dealing with people in general can become frustrating and overwhelming. When you have a controlled enviornment to channel that aggression, its no longer being pent up inside. Its being transmuted into a skill that physically and mentally challenges you. Making you stronger, calmer, more confident and disciplined. Not having a whole bunch of anger and aggression pent up inside of you is wonderful for your relationships in and of itself because, it prevents displaced anger and overreacting. Making martial arts a great way to foster more emotional-self-control within a relationship.

This isn't necessarily due to the physical contact thats had in martial arts but because a foundation of martial arts is respect for your opponent. Yes, you're fighting. But in your dojo, you arent fighting to 'hurt' that person, you're fighting to improve your skill, your form and your tactics. You're learning to become strategic, precise and how to win against any opponent. Some may know more and some may know less than you, so martial arts teaches you adaptability. You're paying attention to your opponents movement and you're responding in accordance to their fighting style, thats a form of communication, even without words. All of these qualities- respect, improvement, strategy, precision, adaptability and communication are key components to a healthy relationship. It also helps to know that if your partner knows how to fight, crossing unhealthy boundaries most likely wont be tolerated. If they are finding healthy ways to channel their aggression, they arent going to tolerate harmful methods of communication from another, especially physical abuse, which is always a zero-tolerance non-negotiable. More so, there is a real comfort in knowing that your partner has the ability and strength to protect you if that's ever needed.

So why is Martial Arts something I advocate for in relationships?

Well if horseplay and the idea of wrestling or sparring your partner (with gear on, of course!) doesnt already excite you, let me share a personal story with you about how I met my partner. In our karate dojo.

Before I ever had a real conversation with my current partner, I had already sparred him several times and had been training with him for months. We developed a bond through the mutual relationships within our dojo and we became a 'karate family.' Each of us having a deep respect for one another and genuinely enjoying each others company and conversation.

When we finally did start to get closer, the bond and respect we developed for each other in the dojo carried into our personal relationship. Where, without fear of hurting each other, we mutually had a hard time with the concept of disrespecting one another. Everything about it felt wrong and like it went against the principles we learned in the dojo. But more than that, we had learned about a side of one another that we each had deep reverence for- the fellow martial artist.

This reverence is because, martial arts is hard. Its physically intense, you train hard and test your limits. You get hurt, you struggle, you look absolutely crazy when you try a new move-- and you keep going. You don't give up. You push forward and perservere. Its resilience, its humility, its integrity. There's nothing more humbling than walking into a fighting school and realizing that you aren't as intimidating as you thought you were because these people train everyday, every week, to be good at what they do. There is nothing easy about that. However, it is wildly therapeutic and rewarding. Releasing that stress, watching yourself improve-- it's even better to experience with someone else. Recognition of those traits strengthens your bond and respect for your partner.

You can help each other improve, you support each other and you recover together. Its also insanely fun! My partner and I enjoy the fun of teasing eachother, training together and being apart of the same team. We also push each other to be better and challenge one another. With him being a black belt and me an orange belt, its incredibly rewarding when I land a hit on him because,I know hes not letting me hit him and I know how fast he is! For him, hes not looking to beat me up, but help me get better. Although, I have teased him about trying to knock my head off because I told him to do the dishes. This is the joy of it, the sophisticated playtime in action, the community-orientation, the value system and the genuine quality time.

There are so many different kinds of martial arts, jiu-jitsu is another fantastic partner martial art because in jiu-jitsu there is a factor of connectedness that can really make training with your partner incredibly fun and rewarding. It will also help to strengthen your ability to tune into your partner's body and their movement. Grappling is an important skill to know, since most fights end on the floor, but jiu-jitsu requires focus and attention on the muscles contracting or relaxing in a hold, fluidity of movement, sneaking in when there's an opening and using the opponenets body weight against them opposed to brute strength. It's a unique way to discover a newfound closeness to your partner.

Disclaimer: While Martial Arts is a contact/fighting sport, this article does not condone relationship violence of any kind. Domestic Violence is a pervasive problem faced by people daily and in most cases, not properly addressed. If you or someone you know isn't safe in their relationship call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or contact your local domestic violence shelter.